Friday, November 23, 2007

I think I'm done.

I just don't have the time to continue the blog.
Thanks to everyone who reads this. It's been great.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Much Like The Broncos' Offense,

I'm taking this week off. I watched the game. I wasn't pleased. I also chose a job which had the primary responsibilities of playing on the internet and talking to the cute Asian chick around the corner. Unfortunately, my boss had the audacity to (GASP!) promote me, so I'm forced to spend this week learning new shit and figuring out how to goof off and write about sports on the internet. The nerve of my boss. THIS WILL NOT STAND I TELL YOU. She should have just given me a raise and then not made me do stuff, because I was promoted based on my merits, and my strongest merits are screwing off and looking handsome in my business casual clothes- which enhance, but don't flaunt- my figure.

At any rate- if I get a chance, I'll dump something up later this week about the big CU wins (at Texas Tech, scoring 5* linebacker Jon Major), and the Broncos' crapfest. for more info- check the sidebar, because those guys are pretty sweet.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

And if you say you did, you're a damn liar. I'm not talking about the win. I'm talking about Pittsburgh completely abandoning the run game despite facing the worst run defense in the world. Doesn't it seem like a lot of NFL coaches outsmart themselves? It's like Shanahan running the up back into the line in the red zone. "We don't want o do what they would EXPECT or anything" Well, who gives a shit if the opposition expects it, if they can't stop it?

  • Dre Bly. One pick, and what should have been three more despite playing on a bum shoulder.
  • Jay Cutler. The picks don't really bug me. As I've said before, I pretty much expect one or 2 piss poor decisions a game. But he did a good job avoiding the outside rush and getting the ball to his weapons, his biggest of which (Javon Walker) wasn't active. And what about that run? Hilarious. I nicknamed Cutler "I think I can" during that run. Chugga chugga chugga chugga...
  • The lines. Both of them were pretty good. The O-line is decimated by injuries but did a generally good job in pass protection (not so much in the run game). The defensive line was getting consistent pressure all night (Dumervil most of all), even though Roethlisberger did a pretty good job moving around in the pocket. I keep reading about how the Broncos finally started blitzing, but I didn't see it. As John Madden reminded you on every play, Denver played a lot of cover 2 with the linebackers dropping into coverage. Most of the pressure came from up front.
  • The prevent defense. Has there ever been anything in the world that failed more consistently than the prevent defense? Why do teams continue to use it? Cowardice is the only answer.
  • Dan Graham. He had one great catch and a nice block downfield, but he was pretty pathetic in pass protection.
  • John Lynch. He is an embarrassment. A big personal foul and another week of consistently coming in after he play to do little more than help up the opposing ball carrier (heh- ball carrier).
  • Arsonists. Seriously- pretty much all of Southern California is on fire, an a lot of them were purposely set. I understand crimes like theft. Who wouldn't want a free Escalade? But crimes like arson and vandalism just seem pointless to me. You don't get anything for it, and it causes a lot of problems. Do you just hate California? Because SoCal is a pretty chill spot. We've got the porn capitol of the world (AKA my bedroom. At least that's what your mom said), we've got sweet beaches and USC song girls and Randy's Donuts. there's no reason to light it on fire. The air is shitty enough as it is.
The chick who was here on Sunday thinks Shanahan's face looks like bacon, so she dubbed him Bacon Face, which you can expect to read around here, because it really rolls off the tongue. She may care more about the handsomeness of Champ Bailey than anything that happens during the game, but she can spin a joke. Literally A joke, because that was pretty much her first and last one. Has there ever been a funnier commercial than the Aflac commercial with the goat? I say no. I LOL literally every single time that goat comes out. Nah! nah! nah! I have no idea what Aflac is, but I will definitely purchase their product or service. Of course, I also laugh when a football announcer says "penetration" so maybe I'm not the best representation of humor. Also great is the movie I am currently watching- Happy Feet. Penguins are fucking awesome. I want a pet penguin.

Oh, and in closing- GO ROX!

Now playing: Jay-Z - Roc Boys (And The Winner Is)
via FoxyTunes

Monday, October 22, 2007

I'll get around to the game shortly, but first, from the AP:
ENGLEWOOD, Colo. (AP) -- Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence early Monday. Marshall was pulled over in downtown Denver shortly after 2 a.m., police Lt. Ron Saunier said. His arrest came hours after the Broncos defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 31-28 in Denver. Marshall was issued a summons and was released. Broncos team officials said they were aware of the arrest but had no comment.
So now Brandon Marshall has racked up 2 arrests, has shot off his mouth about fan support, and has had his cousin at least partially responsible for Darrent Williams getting shot. I guess he must have minored in Jackass at Wide Receiver University.

Friday, October 19, 2007

So it looks like Simeon Rice has been talking to Darryl Gardner, because yesterday he went off on the Denver coaching staff. you can read the article for yourself, but here is the most relevant quote:

"I'm really just trying to lock myself in and just make it through the year
because I have no idea why I've been brought here - at all," he said. "Things
have been said. Things have been promised. Things have been told. And I'm at the
point where I'm ready to perform and help this team out. They don't have
anything like me on this defense. But it is what it is."

Really, I think a lot of people had no idea why you were brought in. And here's my favorite quote: "I ain't going to nobody. I've already conversated," he said. Really? Conversated? Jesus Christ athletes are idiots.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Javon Walker going under the knife. Javon's finally throwing down on the surgery tip for the knee injury that has kept him out for the last few games. And limited early in the season. And less than 100% last year. And out all the year before that. Uh oh. At this point, if Javon ends up as anything better than a pirate captain with a peg leg, we'll have to consider it a victory. Unless he became Captain Morgan. That guy is awesome.

Stephen Alexander was placed on IR. which, of course, means Denver re-signed Chad Mustard. At this point, I can't even find a joke in this because it's pretty much a joke itself. I hereby become the first person to call for his enlistment returning punts. Oh wait...

The Buffs finally got a recruit. 4* running back Ray Polk, from Arizona has given CU his oral. Um, commitmentwise, that is. 5* linebacker Lynn Katoa has also added the Buffs to his list, and will be visiting campus this weekend.

I didn't watch the game. I made last weekend my bye week as well. I was in San Francisco and quite drunk by the time the CU game was on, and although I watched some of it, I don't really remember much. I'm forwarding through the game on Tivo slowly, but it's kind of depressing. NEXT UP: The Kansas Jayhawks, who are undefeated and atop the North division. In football. No, seriously.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

You might remember when we reported that Ryan Fucking Seacrest signed on the host the Super Bowl halftime show (if you don't, well, he did. I'm too lazy to go find and link to the original article), which officially ruined the Super Bowl half time show. Now, Sports By Brooks is reporting that the musical performers will be...
...drum roll please...
... THE EAGLES!!!! If you were expecting something fun or interesting, well now would be the time you hear that "Wah wah wah waaaaah" sound in your head. It's like on Let's Make a Deal when you pass up what's in the box for what's behind door number 2. Then they open door number 2 and it's just a goat eating a tin can. Yep- that's the Eagles. It could've been even worse. The article says that they really wanted Garth Brooks. I had no idea he was still alive. I thought Chris Gaines killed him.
It's not like anyone was really expecting something cool, because the half time show has been going down hill ever since MTV got a hold of it and suddenly it was just a bunch of weird medleys (I've got it- let's have Kid Rock, Britney Spears, Aerosmith, Justin Timberlake, Run DMC, and the Wiggles all on stage together. It'll be brilliant!), but this about does it for me. Just bring back the Bud Bowl and be done with it. I've got a good feeling about Bud Ice this year!
Next year they'll probably just show that clip of the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, or a video taped message from Wilfred Brimley explaining why you kids should stay off his lawn, and then a bunch of fireworks, and then some culturally diverse kids running around with flags and holding hands to show unity. And then they release some peace doves, followed by a fly by from the Blue Angels. Only the doves are still there, so they get sucked into the engines, killing the doves and causing the Blue Angels to crash into the stands. Long story short- it turns out to be Bill Belicheck's fault, so he forfeits the Super Bowl and gives up all his draft picks. And his scowl- he has to give that up too. You could say that I've put to much time into this, but you gotta admit- that's gonna be pretty great. Wait, what were we talking about?

Why can't these assholes ever just call a spade a spade? In this here article, a whole bunch of guys, from Cutler to Bates to Lynch to Bailey just keep saying, "it's the little things" over and over again. I already alluded to Shanahan's press conference, where he said that he's "not worried” about the state of his team going into the bye, and that major changes will not be made to the defense. We’ve just got to get better at what we’re doing.” I call shenanigans. Why can't one person just man up and say, "look, we fucking sucked. We know we sucked, you know we sucked, and we have to correct our suckitude." Because it's an insult to every fan on the planet to just say that it's about the little things, and just stay the course. a 38 point loss is not a little thing- it is a very big thing.
And this from Mason's latest nugget of wisdom:
"Sports Illustrated’s Jim Trotter chimed in from the back of the room.
Trotter: “Did you see any quit out there?”
Shanahan: “No, I didn’t see any quit, did you?”
Trotter: “I saw a couple of guys that maybe didn’t want (to be out there).”
Shanahan: “Oh, I don’t think so. I don’t think you saw any quit.”

Shanahan then reiterated a point he made about the loss being on his shoulders, said “Thanks,” and walked away. Normally, Shanahan will look around and say, “Anything else?” before saying “Thanks” and leaving the podium. Accusing players of quitting — or even inferring the idea — is to attack at the heart of a player or coach’s existence; it’s like a below-the-belt punch in a boxing match. That’s something you just don’t ask right after the worst home loss in nearly 41 years. Emotions are as raw as the second-half weather Sunday. Scabs have yet to form. The blood still squirts from new wounds."
Although the timing may not have been great, the fact remains- Brandon Marshall fucking quit. Once again, to say, as Shanahan did, "I don't think you saw any quit" is a goddamn insult. Listen, mutherfucker- don't you tell me what I did and didn't see. Anyone who was watching could see that he quit. To tell me what I saw makes you either a liar, an idiot, or a complete egomaniac. Which is it? I'm done defending this organization (whatever meager defense it was to begin with). Fire the lot of them and Hire Cowher. Or Schottenheimer like my buddy Chad Peter says, or anyone.
...actually- don't hire Schottenheimer. Ever. screw Chad Peter.

The Falcons go ODB all over Michael Vick. It appears as though an arbitrator (who is called a "special master," which is awesome) has decided that Vick owes the Falcons almost $20 million. That's a lot of Dimp! (you see, the ODB reference was to a song called Got Your Money, where he says, "girl you better gimme my money!" and Vick has to give the Falcons his... oh shut up.)

The Panthers must really like The Odd Couple. They signed old and ugly Vinny Testeverde to back up young and dashing David Carr. Really? Testeverde? Eh, whatever. I'm sure Vinny's flying off the shelves of your local fantasy football warehouse stores as we speak.

The 49ers buy a theme park. I'd make some sort of joke here about the roller coaster the 49ers lead their fans on every Sunday, but I'm better than that.

Mack Strong is retiring. Despite the greatest name for a fullback ever, Seahawks FB Mack Strong has injured his spine and will retire immediately. I'm not generally one to give fantasy sports advice, since I suck at it, but I'm guessing Shaun Alexander, from here on out, is worth exactly jack shit.

Around the world- Freddy Adu is back on the US roster for a friendly against noted cheese mavens the Swiss. In fact, I think that's their nickname- the Switzerland Cheese Mavens, Also Featuring Watches. And Chocolate. And Neutrality. It's not a great nickname, that's for sure. It takes up the whole front of their jerseys. Stupid Swiss.

Another Bengal got arrested. This time it's Jonathan Joseph, who was arrested in Kentucky. Note to the NFL- there is nothing good that ever happens, or ever will happen in Kentucky. It should be banned altogether as a potential leisure spot.

Christina Simms goes on IR. Thus ending the season, and likely the Tampa Bay career, of the greatest quarterback in Powder Puff football history.

Chris Myers is the new Denver center. He replaces Tom Nalen. this means nothing good, mind you, but it's really not that interesting to discuss the potential implications of one fatso replacing another fatso. The first fatso was better. Ta Da! I'm an analyst! I was almost as interested in this news as I was in reading the crawl above this article that read "Accident near Pecos Street causing lengthy delays on eastbound U.S. 36."