Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Falcons go ODB all over Michael Vick. It appears as though an arbitrator (who is called a "special master," which is awesome) has decided that Vick owes the Falcons almost $20 million. That's a lot of Dimp! (you see, the ODB reference was to a song called Got Your Money, where he says, "girl you better gimme my money!" and Vick has to give the Falcons his... oh shut up.)

The Panthers must really like The Odd Couple. They signed old and ugly Vinny Testeverde to back up young and dashing David Carr. Really? Testeverde? Eh, whatever. I'm sure Vinny's flying off the shelves of your local fantasy football warehouse stores as we speak.

The 49ers buy a theme park. I'd make some sort of joke here about the roller coaster the 49ers lead their fans on every Sunday, but I'm better than that.

Mack Strong is retiring. Despite the greatest name for a fullback ever, Seahawks FB Mack Strong has injured his spine and will retire immediately. I'm not generally one to give fantasy sports advice, since I suck at it, but I'm guessing Shaun Alexander, from here on out, is worth exactly jack shit.

Around the world- Freddy Adu is back on the US roster for a friendly against noted cheese mavens the Swiss. In fact, I think that's their nickname- the Switzerland Cheese Mavens, Also Featuring Watches. And Chocolate. And Neutrality. It's not a great nickname, that's for sure. It takes up the whole front of their jerseys. Stupid Swiss.

Another Bengal got arrested. This time it's Jonathan Joseph, who was arrested in Kentucky. Note to the NFL- there is nothing good that ever happens, or ever will happen in Kentucky. It should be banned altogether as a potential leisure spot.

Christina Simms goes on IR. Thus ending the season, and likely the Tampa Bay career, of the greatest quarterback in Powder Puff football history.

Chris Myers is the new Denver center. He replaces Tom Nalen. this means nothing good, mind you, but it's really not that interesting to discuss the potential implications of one fatso replacing another fatso. The first fatso was better. Ta Da! I'm an analyst! I was almost as interested in this news as I was in reading the crawl above this article that read "Accident near Pecos Street causing lengthy delays on eastbound U.S. 36."

1 comment:

Big Ben said...

Too bad Jim Bates was not the Special Master at the Vick hearing....Think about it!