Lane Kiffin has been K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Raiders coach Lane Kiffin was released from the hospital after being admitted with what is believed to be mononucleosis. He's under strict orders not to yell for a while, which means there's pretty much nothing stopping Warren Sapp from eating that last piece of pizza.

Now, I didn't pay attention in health class, and the only health related text I can find lying around my house is a pamphlet I got from the free clinic called "Living With Hepatitis," so I'm going to have to go by what my friend Mark told me in 5th grade. "Mononucleosis is a disease that trampy 12 year old girls get when they make out with older boys- probably older boys who smoke."

"That's why Tricia hasn't been to school for so long?"

"Yep, I heard she was making out with the janitor."
"Darren said she might be pregnant."
"Darren's an idiot. She's just got mono- you know the kissing disease."
"What a bitch. Whatever, I don't even like her any more. I think Sarah just got a bra."

...at least that's how I remember the conversation. Then I got pegged with a dodge ball. So it's absolute science fact that Lane Kiffin has been making out with someone he shouldn't be. No matter what, it's pretty funny that the head coach of the big bad Oakland Raiders got a disease for over developed junior high school girls. That's not good company to be in. So who has Lane Kiffin been with, up in a tree?

• 4 to 1 odds: Chris Simms
• 10 to 1 odds: Ryan Seacrest
• 100 to 1 odds: The janitor at Willow Elementary School