Well thanks a fucking lot, Fox. you take the 2nd greatest day on the NFL calendar (after the NFL Draft), and turn it into yet another day for chicks and gay guys by announcing that RYAN FUCKING SEACREST will host the Super Bowl pre game and half time shows.
For those of you who don't know, Ryan Seacrest is like a goddamn virus. He hosts American Idol, has a morning radio on KISS FM in Los Angeles, and hosts pretty much every single red carpet awards show thingie there is. I'm not sure how many there are, but off hand, I can think of Oscars, Emmys, um, do they still give out Grammys? Teen Choice Awards? Whatever- I don't watch those fucking things. you know what I do watch? Football. And now a guy whose favorite part of football is probably watching the quarterback lovingly caress the buttocks of the center as he waits for the snap is gonna queerify it.
For years, the NFL has been showing utter disdain for their base demographic by interviewing lame celebrities like Christian Slater during Monday Night Football and putting on awful kickoff weekend concerts featuring horrible music acts like the Black Eyed Peas. The Super Bowl is less about football and more about Janet Jackson's saggy boob or the latest Pepsi ad or two weeks of human interest stories about some tired veteran desperately chasing a ring (I remember a half hour segment devoted to Seth Joyner once) or who's bringing the 7 layer dip to the party of who's in charge of the sad little Super Bowl Squares betting grid (I hate that fucking grid). Fuck all of that. I just want to watch a goddamn football game. Which is why I like the draft more- they actually show football.
Think of it this way- broadcasters go out of their way to make NFL fans look like idiots. When I think of NFL fans, it doesn't take long before an image of a cross dressing fat guy in a pig nose comes up, or the Raiders guy in spikes, or a fat guy with his shirt off. Ads during NFL games are pretty much limited to beer, fast food, antacid, and (insultingly) erection dysfunction. Well go fuck yourself, Fox Network. I know where your office is.
I'm generally pretty apathetic, but this settles it- I'm taking a stand. Ryan Seacrest, you, sir, are banned from my house. It's not that hard to do, because I don't watch award shows and I don't listen to KISS FM, but I do like to have something to talk about at work, so I do watch American Idol. No more. Any time Seacrest's pathetic little stubbled face shows up on my TV, another channel will magically appear. I encourage you all to do the same.
Note- I can't seem to find confirmation of this in any of the mainstream media, so for now, all I've got to go off of is my super secret highly placed media sources. Confirmation to come. Fuck you, mainstream media, I just scooped you!
UPDATE: Unsurprisingly, the first announcement I found of this wasn't from NFL.com, or ESPN, or any other sports news outlet. Nope, I found it on fucking Variety. Whatever- it's confirmed. Once again: FUCK. OFF. FOX.
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