As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short, but Peter King had an absolutely fascinating tidbit in his MMQB column yesterday (wait, what? Peter? fascinating? Believe it). We all know that Peter King is an incredibly boring human being. The only things he appears to like are things that pretty much everyone likes, like the Sopranos, and Brett Favre, and Peyton Manning, and anything the Patriots do, and Starbucks. One of his bullet points is called "Factoid that might only interest me" and you can bet your bottom dollar, mister, that in fact it absolutely only interests him. Then he complains about having to travel, and having to stay in hotels with subpar gyms. Occasionally he tells you about things going into and coming out of his various orifices (What I ate at Dairy Queen; News from my colonoscopy). He really likes the Red Sox. But this, about the HBO series Hard Knocks, is the best thing he has ever said and will ever say:
They're so fast-paced and move from one drama to the next and one scene to the
next, that you don't really get the feel of what camp is truly like. Very often,
camp is boring, tedious and full of drills you can't watch for very long or
you'll go crazy. If the show is to be the real story of training camp, it must
point out -- not just in flashes but in minutes -- what really happens at camp,
which is often extraordinarily humdrum.
Go back and read it a few times: Peter King's problem with television is that it's too fast paced and exciting. So that pretty much proves that Peter King is the most boring human being on the planet. He strikes me as the type of guy who would really like oatmeal, except someone's always messing it up by adding crazy things like raisins and brown sugar, or would really like the Golden Girls except for that randy Blanche Devereaux, who's always tarting around like a trollop. How can this guy stand the Sopranos? Does he know what those words mean? well there you go, fat cat network executives high up in your fancy offices in "Hollyweird" (see what I did there?): in order to get Peter King on board with your new show, your going to need to cut out all the shenanigans like "drama" or "jokes," which make him confused and uncomfortable. Actually, it sounds like he'll really like that Cavemen show.
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