Some Other Bullshit

I'm pretty sure Floyd stole that jacket from an old lady doing vigorous laps around the mall.

I'm on a never ending quest to watch minorities pummel each other for my amusement, so I'm a big boxing fan. As such, I felt it necessary to fork over $54.95 for the De La Hoya/ Mayweather slap and tickle party on Saturday night. If I were a boxer, I'd write "JUSTICE" on the knuckle parts of my gloves. That'd be pretty awesome. Or tape the same word into my fist wraps, only I'd write it backwards, so after I got done punching you in the face, everyone would know that you deserved it. My other observations surrounding the fight are:

• Man, those guys sure like money
• Did you see the fat guy about 6 rows back? I wonder if he had to buy two seats.
• You know how in football, people say that defense wins championships? Well in boxing, defense bores the shit out of a roomful of dudes.
• Another way to improve boxing would be to put squeak toys in the gloves, something that let out an audible "haaawnnnk" every time a punch landed.
• During Saturdays fight, you would have heard about a dozen honks, total.
• Rocky Juarez was probably on the undercard in order to make sure no one thought De La Hoya/ Mayweather was a let down.
• Somewhere, I'm guessing Larry Merchant is still interviewing Floyd Mayweather Sr.

Because I'm a huge nerd, I scored the bout at home, and had it 7 rounds to 5 in favor of Mayweather. That was total punches landed, mind you. Not rounds or anything. Also, De La Hoya's hair was slightly mussed, and both men got pretty vigorous cardiovascular workouts. All in all, I would've been better off watching my Paula Abdul workout video. That was only $3 at the flea market.