BREAKING: QB Controversy in Houston?

Sure, the Texans just traded a mint for Matt Schaub and gave him a huge new contract, but today, the Texans pulled off the coup of the offseason, re-signing QB BRADLEE VAN PELT!!!!

Van Pelt, late a mediocre QB for a mediocre college team in a mediocre conference, will go into camp as the underdog, but don't count him out. He'll bring with him a myriad of weapons, including a career .88 Yards Per Attempt, a mullett, a 39.6 Quarterback Rating, several stupid trucker hats, and the ability to get up after a savage beating just as smug and annoying as ever, which will come in handy playing behind the Texans' line.