Breaking: Barrel Man to Retire!

I'm going to be honest with you. I never understood the whole "Superfan" phenomenon. In case you don't know- the Hall of Fame inducted a fan from each team into a special wing because they were so well known and vital to the team. This wing includes the Washington Redskins' Hogettes, who are big fatso who dress in drag, as well as that spiky guy from the Raiders and presumably a big fatso with a foam cheese head from Green Bay and Fireman Ray or whatever his name is who teaches idiots from New Jersey that J-E-T-S spells Jets! Jets! Jets! I assume that Jets fans are also fans of the Nets and the Mets, because they're too stupid to memorize anything more complicated. They hate hockey because they can't spell Islanders.

2 of the Superfans- the guy from the Dolphins, and the guy from the Cowboys, died on consecutive days, probably due to heart related ailments (I'm not bothered to look it up, but let's just say that none of these guys were likely to drop dead during a marathon. Unless it was a marathon fried cheese and beer session. our own Superfan, Barrel Man, is a big fatso who only wears a barrel. That's where he gets his name. Which is Barrel Man. Get it? Anyway- he's retiring. Usually retiring means you quit working so you can enjoy your later years by doing things like, say, going to Broncos games, but this guy can't handle the stress anymore or something. See why the Superfan thing is dumb? At any rate- it's still a slow news week, so there you go. Somehow I don't see this year's push to the Super Bowl in the same light as I saw Elway's last season. I just can't picture Bowlen shouting, "This one's for the naked fat guy!"