American Idol= Competition. Sports = Competition. American Idol= Sports.

Eh- that's pushing it pretty far, but whatever. I want to do a game diary for American Idol tonight, so I'm gonna.

• The night starts with Jordin Sparks, who apparently forgot to take her Ritalin, because she rips through Pat Benatar and then spends the next minute fidgeting and pointing and slumping down for no apparent reason. she keeps slumping down because she's much huger than Seacrest. He looks like he should be sitting on her lap and she should be trying not to make her lips move.
• Next up was Sabrina, who hosted a show called Diablo Heat when she was in high school. Diablo Heat sounds like it should be a show on CInemax right before Bikini Round-Up at the Sexeteria.
• Third up is the slut! she lists her hobby as "violin", rather than "taking pictures on the potty."
• She's also a really horrible singer.
• Randy Jackson likes to say "pitchy."
• Antonella says "everyone's an amazing singer." Apparently they don't teach grammar in New Jersey. Dear, you should be saying, "they are all amazing singers. Except me, I'm terrible."
• Haley was a gymnast. That means she's flexible. Her song is extremely dull, and her top looks like someone took a BeDazzler to it. Randy said she has no "pizzazz," which might be why she opted for the rhinestone top. He also says the song has no "yo." They all think the song was as dull as I did, but they also think he song fit her very well. Draw your own conclusions.
• I don't like Stephanie. She looks like she has a dead bird on her head. And ballads should be outlawed. To slow, too dull. I should get to pick all the songs, in fact.
• Pitchy again! I'm turning that into a drinking game.
  
• Paula says she was "darn near flawless." Which means she's wasted. Paula gets beermuffs when she drinks, and everyone sounds amazing (that's beermuffs- a Juan Salsa original! Patent pending- patent pending- patent pending).
• LaKisha is doing an interview in a camouflage hat. I bet she got it from Phil Stacy.
• Ugh- and another slow ass song. I know LaKisha can sing, but I don't like her. Too fat.
• Wow! LaKisha has a whole fat family that looks just like her.
• Gina's wearing a pink bra under a see through shirt. That's pretty sexy, but then she gets unsexy by talking about a troll and a pickle. Then she says she likes clenching onto pickle, so she's sexy again.
• Unfortunately, she's trying to channel Amy Lee, and, um, she can't. At all. stop singing stop singing stop singing. Good performance, horrible song choice.
• Pitch Problems! That's like pitchy, so take a drink. But weirdly, all the judges liked it. Maybe they all got into Paula's happy juice.
  
• her "boyfriend has pickle on his chest tonight."
• Apparently Melinda will be closing the show. Again- she's a good singer, but she's too ugly to be American Idol. She also doesn't appear to have a neck.
• And that's the end! were I into such things, I would vote for Jordin and Gina, because thy sang rock songs.
  

Hey, guess what's on the WB after Idol? The Search for the Next Pussy Cat Doll ! I've watched 2 minutes of it, and it's already better than Idol.