Quit Playing Games With My Heart

my roommate: Why do we keep taking games against these shitty teams down to the wire?

me: Because we aren't that good.

And that's about the crux of it. We're good enough to beat bad teams. Barely. But are we good enough to beat good teams? I've seen no evidence to suggest that we are. Last year, when Denver would lose, I would always read some huge outcry that:

It's All Plummer's Fault!!!

It's all Bell's Fault!!!!

It's all Ernster's Fault!!!

Playcalling!

Defense!

Offensive line!!

Special teams!!!

and this would be for one game. The fact is, when you delude yourself into thinking your team is better than it really is, you tend to try and single out one player or facet that needs fixing, because that's much easier than admitting that they just aren't as good as you want them to be. It's like when I finally realized that this girl called Becky just wasn't that into me. Sure, there were signs, but I just kept trying to fix the one thing that I knew would make her drop her panties, like sending her flowers or singing telegrams, or hiding in her bushes while she was in the shower. Then I got the restraining order and realized, "oh- she's just not into me."

Guess what- we just aren't that good. But there is reason for hope- we can't be this bad on offense, and in the past, we've always lost these kinds of games early on, and then come on with a big run. We can do this again.

BIG MONEY:

• Travis Henry. good Lord is this man strong. no wonder he's got so many friggin kids. sperm like his could probably penetrate a lead apron, let alone a Durex. I imagine a Henry sperm against one of those contraceptive sponges to be a lot like a Henry stiff arm pushing Stuart Shweigart 20 yards into the end zone. Stuart Schweigart proved that there shouldn't be anyone named Stuart Schweigart in the NFL. Go back and finish my taxes, bitch. I don't pay you to play with your little friends.
• Cornerbacks. Aside from one long bomb on Dre Bly, the CB's were as big as money gets. They were the little square with the cruise in it. My favorite part was when stupid idiot Rich Gannon kept going on and on about going after Dre Bly. Then stupider idiot Josh McCown tried to go deep on Bly, and Bly picked him. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU THROW TO THE OUTSIDE?!?! Our corners own all your footballs. It reminds me of last year, when stupidest idiot Phil Simms started yapping about how Carson Palmer said he was going to throw on Champ Bailey, then he did, and Champ Bailey took Carson Palmer's football from him. the moral is- if you can't play smart with the football, you will be relieved of the responsibility.
• The young defensive linemen rushing the passer. Moss, Dumervil, and Thomas all made their presence felt, which was a great sign. I expect we'll be seeing a lot more of Marcus Thomas in the opposing backfield, because the guy's an athletic marvel. That INT was outstanding. Similarly, Dumervil harassed McCown all day, and Moss is making strides.

WHAMMIES OF THE WEEK:

• Matt Lepsis. He got pushed around against Buffalo, but I chalked it up to going against a great player. This time he got pushed around by a rookie 5th round pick called Jay Richardson. For an older guy who relied on his quickness, this is troublesome. He's coming off of knee surgery, and he's lost significant push at the point of attack.


• Mike Shanahan. Why in the fuck is Cecil goddamn Sapp getting the ball on every crucial short yardage play? I think it was 4 times on 3rd or 4th and short (or goal), and Sapp or Mike Bell got all of the carries. Sapp converted once, on a touchdown run where he went in virtually untouched. Why do you give 40 million dollars to a running back who never goes down on first contact and then hand the ball to the up back in significant situations. Why are we relying on a Selvin young wheel route on a crucial third down. Call me paranoid because of the closeness of the game, but it's almost like Shanahan's completely forgotten what it's like to play with talent. He's too busy trying to be sneaky instead of just letting our guys beat their guys. Do you think Terrell Davis wouldn't be getting those significant carries (he says before remembering the Super Bowl where TD was a decoy. What do I know)? give the ball to your big money players, and let them earn it.
• the run defense. A buck fifty? To LaMont Jordan? When McCown can't throw at all? Unacceptable. Completely and utterly unacceptable.

STOP!

Of course it had to be Gerrard Warren who got the safety, didn't it? A big Eff YOU to the people at DirecTV. The game was tabbed for the regional broadcast on CBS, which means it's blacked out on the Sunday Ticket feed. that's all well and good until CBS decided to switch to the defensive vacation of Cleveland/ Cincinnati and I miss almost all of the first quarter, including 50% of Denver's touchdowns. So I could watch that abomination on 2 different channels, yet I could watch the Denver game on zero channels. Then the game went into a lightning delay, and we got jumped over to the game being broadcast by... PHIL SIMMS!! Veteran readers of my former MySpace blog know where this is going- SHUT UP PHIL SIMMS!!! I fucking hate that guy. Further, there was a lady in the house for Sunday's game, and whenever a lady is present, discussion inevitably turns to how attractive the players are, without bothering to account whether or not they can block or run a decent hitch and go. This is yet another reason why you people shouldn't have been given the vote.

Why was Jeff Shoate the nickel back? Just wondering.

UPDATE: Signal to Noise has his own take on the Shanahan time out call. Since he's a Bronco fan, I have no qualms about saying this to any and all Raider fans: Kiss Our Douchebaggy Asses! We may be the douchebaggiest, but you're still the Raiders. Ad: Us.