"But We're Trying Our Best"

"Well your best is an idiot!" Thanks, Bender. Your prescient wisdom could also be applied to the Denver Bronco defensive line, but we'll get that later. I really like the direction the Browns are going. Eric Wright is a stud, Thomas looks like a keeper, and Brady Quinn is just so handsome... of course, he sounds like a little bitch when he whines about the team shaving his head. Now he just looks like a lesbian. I was, however, disappointed that college mancrush Lawrence Vickers was held out of the game with injury.

BIG MONEY:

• Juggernaut. Any time Kyle Johnson scores a touchdown and does his awesome dance, he's the number one star of the game. Kyle Johnson is my hero.
• Domenik Hixon. He didn't really do anything great, but he went the whole way at receiver and returner. With cuts looming, I see the receiver core at Walker/ Marshall/ Stokley/ Hixon/ Clark. Bad news for Terrell, Morgan, and Kircus. Also, did you see Rod Smith walking off the field with Walker at half time? He was still limping badly. Marshall had a good game too, especially the hellacious block downfield for Javon.
• The offensive line. They did a good job overall, especially Mark Fenton, who was consistently getting to the second level (despite a false start penalty).
• Selvin Young. He looked great running the ball, getting to the corner whenever he wanted. I think he's a lock for the practice squad, and has a shot at the active roster if Denver decided to go with Sapp as a swing HB/ FB and cuts Paul Smith. Smith hasn't been impressive, either at fullback or on special teams.

WHAMMIES OF THE WEEK:

• The defensive line. This is getting to be a broken record. They aren't getting the job done. Period. And I'm trying to believe that the scheme is vanilla for the preseason, but this is awful.
• Dre Bly. I don't expect it to be theme, but he got shredded this week. Edwards and Jurevicius were all over him this week.
• Patrick Ramsey. Just for the last ditch drive. That was horrible. I was opposed to this signing from the start, and I still am. Successful QB combos follow one of two forms: veteran QB/ young apprentice or young QB/ veteran mentor who knows his place. Ramsey still thinks he has something to prove, so he's trying too hard to make plays where there are none. He held the ball too long and threw the ball too short or into coverage.

STOP!
For those of you in Denver, you missed the glory of Bernie Kosar for the Browns local announce team. He sounds drunk as a Teamster, but he really knows his shit. He's like a big drunken savant. Once, I got completely wrecked on Jack Daniels at Tulagi's, and I spent all night speaking perfect Spanish to my buddy (who is fluent). Sober, I suck at Spanish despite 6 years of lessons. I kind of feel like Kosar is the same way. To get a sense of the way he speaks, stream KROQ radio on line from LA and listen to Jed the Fish. Then make him 20% more intoxicated.

Also, I really don't like Gold and Foxworth. They're both undersized and fast, but they can't really cover, which should be the benefit of the fast. Gary Miller was making excuses for Jamal Lewis blowing up Gold by talking about the weight differential, but he still has to make plays. He doesn't get a free pass because he's small (and he is small- Cardinals safety and resident mancrush Adrian Wilson outweighs him by 15 pounds. And he can cover). Handicaps are for golf and the Special Olympics, not football.

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