Bill Polian= Jackass

Since football is right around the corner- real football, not football for retards played in a hockey arena or football for sissies played in the preseason- the series of tubes is abuzz with inane clap trap arguments like, "what's better, college or pro?" amazingly enough, guys who report on pro football like pro football better, and guys who report on college football like college football better. Who knew? The correct answer, of course, is that college football is better, because I didn't go to the University of Denver Broncos. The NFL is called the no Fun League. NCAA has USC song girls:

and Boise State awesomeness:

The end. But that's not really what this post is about. In Peter King's column today, he (again- amazingly) mentions the Patriots in every other sentence despite discussing a topic that deals with all 32 teams, and he quotes Bill Polian:

"But colleges do have preseason games,'' said Polian. "They just don't call them
that. Look at what the Big Ten does the first couple of weeks, scheduling
Mid-American Conference opponents. [Elsewhere,] maybe Buffalo goes to Auburn, or Troy State to Nebraska. Lots of the big-time colleges play a couple of those
before they play conference games, and those games serve as their preseason
games.

And then he keeps going, listing a bunch of reasons why pre season games are necessary. The problem, though is that what Bill Polian says is not altogether true. Week one for college football features:

Colorado/ Colorado State (rivalry game)

LSU/ Mississippi State (conference game)

UCLA/ Stanford (conference game)

Tennessee/ Cal

Georgia Tech/ Notre Dame

Georgia/ Oklahoma State

et cetera. There are some doozies (Florida/ Western Kentucky) to be sure, but more and more college teams are scheduling quality early season opponents. And if they lose, they pretty much have no shot at a national champeenship. So shut the fuck up, Bill Polian, unless you're going to be honest. An honest statement goes something like this:

We need pre season games because we really like money. We
have a bunch of it, but we want more, because rich people get to be rich by
being greedy assholes. We charge regular season ticket prices, but don't pay
salaries to the players during the preseason, so we make a shit ton of money.
The fans don't like it, and the players don't like it. So why do we keep doing
it? Because fuck them, that's why. The next step for getting more money out of
you idiots involves taking every fan who walks into the stadium, holding him
upside down by his ankles, and shaking him until all his money falls out. We
were going to implement the system this year, but we're having problems with the
cash collection. Right now we're trying to develop a grate in the floor so that
all the money falls directly into a pit so the owners can swim around in it,
like Scrooge McDuck. But to do that, we have to retrofit all the stadiums. We're trying to hurry though, because Bowlen really wants another fur coat, and baby seal
clubbing season's almost over.