State of the AFC West: Kansas City Chiefs

To provide an idea of how boring the last week has been- Adam Schefter's transaction updates just went an entire week between updates, and the latest update brings such exciting news as Jamar Fletcher (yes- THE Jamar Fletcher!) visiting Houston. But the blog must go on, so here is my take on the state of the Kansas City Chiefs. I didn't want to get into the Chiefs until they traded Trent Green, but there's really nothing else to talk about.

I honestly couldn't think of one free agent Kansas City had signed until this offseason until I looked them up. Boy was I wrong. The Chiefs have signed Alphonso Boone (DT), JP Darsche (LB), Donnie Edwards (LB), Napoleon Harris (LB), Jon McGraw (S) and Damian McIntosh (OT). How could I have missed those guys? In terms of Defensive tackles, Alphonso Boone definitely deserves to be in the conversation. Not as a great one or anything, that's just his position. These signings are kind of like khaki pants- they're not interesting at all, but they're probably necessary and extremely adequate. That sure will get Kansas City excited! Adequocity! The Chiefs marketing slogan should be:

"Your Adequate Kansas City Chiefs: Still Beats Watching The Royals!"

Unfortunately, The Chiefs don't have a lot of better than adequate weapons. They've got Tony Gonzalez, whom I can never differentiate from Donnie Edwards anyway, and Larry Johnson, who's kind of a jackass. I really want to beat on Larry Johnson with one of those yellow whiffle ball bats. I don't want to hurt him or anything, just annoy the shit out of him. Plus he wears one of those stupid mouthpieces that looks like this:

I think anyone who uses one of those mouthpieces should be forced to paint them so they look like this:

Also, I pretty much guarantee you will think of that picture every time you see Larry Johnson run the football from now on. At any rate, that's the extent of their offensive weapons. They also lost both of their offensive tackles and might lose Will Shields from a line that left Trent Green Wobbling on the sideline like he was Arnie Grape (ed. note- if you get that reference, you are probably awesome), so good luck to Damon Huard or Brodie Croyle or whomever is sitting back in the pocket.

On defense, the Chiefs feature.... um... wait.... Derrick Johnson? Yeah, Derrick Johnson. Johnson exemplifies the Chiefs continued drive for adequocity like no one else, racking up an "eh" inducing 75 tackles. They've also got 2 cornerbacks who used to be Ty Law and Patrick Surtain back when they were young. Finally, they've got 2 good defensive ends in Tamba Hali and Jared Allen, but Allen keeps getting DUI's, and Hali is foreign, so he really should be a kicker.