Thursday, April 12, 2007





Sep 23 Jacksonville 4:05pm


I have an unnatural hatred for the Jacksonville Jaguars. I hate their tubby lump of a quarterback. I hate their underachieving wide receivers. I hate their giant fatso defensive tackles. I really really hate their stupid logo:


which looks like a mongoloid cancer ridden vampire and was apparently designed by a 12 year old girl who ran out of glitter.

All of that hatred is difficult for me, because I really really love watching Weeble Wobble, aka Maurice Jones-Drew. Something tells me that he will make John Lynch look absolutely foolish in this game. I'm picturing a scene like in Little Giants when Spike went to try and tackle Bad Tad, but missed completely and crashed into the Gatorade table.

It's a good thing this game is at home, because the Broncos suck in Florida heat (see also: Dolphins opener 2 years ago), and the Jaguars would get to wear their awesome all black uniforms, while Denver would be stuck in the all white uniforms that make all the players look like lollipops. Otherwise, Bly and Champ should smother their lousy receivers, but it'll be interesting to see if the running game gets going against Stroud and Henderson. The pass rush should be easy, because Byron Leftwich moves like he has a permanent hangover, although it might be tough to get inside penetration against official All-Big Money Team Member and former Colorado Buffalo Chris Naeole.

Still let's go ahead and call this a win and say 3-0.

2 comments:

@slushygutter said...

The Jags might be better served with Garrad (sp?) at QB this year. And if Matt Jones ever develops into the player he's built to be, the Jags could be decent. Coaching is suspect with them.

Hallux Valgus said...

I have long been a David Garrard fan. If they open up the competition at QB, it could be interesting.

Thus far, I've wondered whether the WR's would be better with a better QB. Right now they're all so damn inconsistent.