Draft Preview: Quarterbacks

That vacant, goofy stare does not, in fact, belong to the guy who lives down the block with an El Camino up on blocks in his front yard. It belongs to our new franchise quarterback, Jay Cutler, famous for getting into a wee bit of trouble as a Vanderbilt freshman when he got caught knocking over parking meters while he was drunk. Also, he can throw a football really fucking far, and has a beautiful spiral just about every time. Combined with The Toothless Prom Date, Denver's QB situation is pretty much set. Also available is Preston Parsons, but Shanahan's not known for carrying more than 2 QB's.

One attractive option late in the draft might be Jared Zabransky from Boise State. He's pretty mobile, and he's already played in blue and orange for a team called the Broncos, he played in Idaho, which is Jake Plummer's home state, he's slightly squishy around the middle like Cutler, and he occasionally makes absolutely horrible decisions as to where he chucks his passes, just like pretty much every QB Denver has had since Elway. It's a match made in heaven!