Ode To A Colorado Game, In 5 Acts

Act I: An already drunk (thank you very much Florida/ Tennessee) and extremely handsome man stalks angrily back and forth across his living room wearing a garish Colorado hockey sweater, occasionally annoying his dozing roommate by screaming at the top of his lungs, "MOTHERFUCKING SHIT SHOW THE GODDAMN COLORADO GAME I DON'T WANT TO WATCH THIS STUPID BULLSHIT FOOTBALL GAME DON'T YOU ASSHOLES REALIZE THAT THE COLORADO GAME HAS ALREADY STARTED AND YOU USELESS ASSHOLE ESPN FUCKS HAVE 50 ESPN ALTERNATE CHANNELS AND YOU CAN'T GET ONE OF THEM TO SHOW THE BEGINNING OF YOUR PRIME TIME SHOWCASE GAME I'M GONNA STAB SOMEONE IF YOU DON'T SHOW ME MY GODDAMN GAME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW..." and it went on like that for a while, the only real break being trips to the fridge for the handsome man to replenish his pint glass with icy cold Coors Light.

Act II: And the man's blood pressure drops a little even though the first quarter is almost over, as the game appears and Venerable Folsom looks packed to the gills full of fans in full blackout mode and into the second quarter, the man is nervous but the defense looks good and MUTHERFUCK YOU ANTONE SMITH CAN'T ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES TACKLE?

Act III: As we roll into the dog days of summer portion of our story, as offensive ineptitude begets offensive ineptitude which is only punctured by three Cismesia field goals and a second Eberhart miss until...

Act IV: FIGHT CU DOWN THE FIELD... for the mighty Buffaloes have punctured the end zone and the arm of Littlehawk and the cradling bosom of Tyson Devree! But the try for two goes awry! as does Terrance Wheatley's knee! and ultimately the game ends, another putrid showing one one side of the ball offset by a valiant effort by Dizon and the crew, but wait, is it over?

Act V: The man had placed a friendly wager for entertainment purposes, and the line was 6, but the score shows 16-6 and FUCK YOU EBERHART YOUR TWO STUPID MISSES COST ME 100 DOLLARS (FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES) I HATE YOU...... and the icy cold Coors Light overcomes the man, and he falls into a deep slumber, to be wakened never more until the morning of Sunday when the dawn of a new team to agonize over and a splitting headache beckon anon...

PS: Reading CU message boards after the loss is quite frustrating. Yes- the offense was terrible. Negative 27 rushing yards is pathetic. But let's remember that Hawkins was left with absolutely no talent. Go look at our Rivals.com recruiting page for 2004 and 2005 and show me where the playmakers are. The are the guys who should be leading a Big XII team, not a bunch of freshmen. I still believe in Hawkins. He deserves time, because he's proven that he can coach. Yes, he needs to recruit, and do so quickly, but the fallout from our recruiting scandal has left an awfully large scar. UPDATE: those links don't really work the way I intended them, but you can figure it out yourself.

UP NEXT: Something called the Miami of Ohio RedHawks. They used to be called the Redskins, before a bunch of hippie pinko commies got all PC up in their grilles, so they had to change it. They probably play pretty angry as well, since they go to Miami of Ohio, and not the Miami that Will Smith busts fresh rhymes about (actually, I didn't pay much attention to that song- it might be about Ohio for all I know). That's pretty much the extent of my knowledge of Miami of Ohio. Oh yeah- they used to have Ben Roethlisberger, before he got all uppity and started hawking Fatheads. Look for some improvement in the running game, because we can't possibly be as bad as we were on Saturday... can we?