Mike Vick is Fucked

Quite literally, if you believe all the episodes of Oz I've seen, and of course I do. So if you can't find a link to a Mike Vick story on your own, you probably also can't read and are just happening on the computer screen of the guy who's in charge of wiping your drool and changing your adult diaper, so I'm not going to bother linking to anything. But I'm gonna go on the record by saying "Fuck Mike Vick."

I've read articles that complain that guys like Leonard Little (Vehicular Manslaughter for getting drunk and getting into an acident where some old lady died) are still allowed in the league, but a guy like Mike Vick, who just killed dogs, and not people, is being burned in effigy. Here's the thing for me: Dogs are cooler than people, especially women. All dogs want are for you to scratch their belly and give them a Beggin Strip and throw them a frisbee, and then they love you forever. You also have to pick up their feces, which can be a downer, or you can just do what I do and not give a shit what your neighbor thinks when it comes to feces on their lawn. If I scratch a woman's belly and give her fake bacon and throw her a frisbee, she still wants me to talk about feelings and pick out duvets, whatever the fuck those are, and you have to buy her nice stuff, and you still have to put up with her shit, no matter what your neighbor thinks, because if you do everything a woman ever asks you to do, she will be slightly less pissed at you than she would be if you didn't. A dog will bring you your paper and slippers and will help you and your other freaky friends solve mysteries in the Mystery Machine, but a woman won't even make you a turkey pot pie when you tell her to, even if you tell her that she doesn't look fat and of course her sister's not hotter than she is and, good God, Gina, just let it drop- she's 19 years old and wearing running shorts- OF COURSE I was looking...

Wait, what? oh yeah: dogs> women. It's math, people. To get away from the awesome misogynistic jokes, I'd like to say that Leonard Little and all the guys who get DUIs or Domestic Violence charges or yadda yadda yadda... all of those were bad mistakes, horrible errors in judgement. that's bad, but I can understand someone to be contrite about it.

Mike Vick has run a highly sophisticated, sadistic, and brutal illegal dogfighting and gambling ring for at least 6 years. That's not an error in judgement- that's a way of life. How can anyone believe that he's sorry, ever? I won't, and I'll never forgive him. That said, I have a feeling that some team will. If it's the Broncos, then I am no longer a Broncos fan (note- I don't believe it will be the Broncos). Here's a scenario that I believe is most likely to happen, but it hasn't been talked about:

Mike Vick comes back as a wide receiver. A lot of the negative press, performance wise, is that he'll come back rusty, it's tough to make him the face of a franchise, his skill set is so unique, and he's left handed. None of that matters for a wide receiver. For a good example, just look at the other Vick, the one we thought was the screwy one: Marcus Vick came into the league as a wide receiver, despite the fact that he was a better QB and a worse athlete than his older brother. Why? Because he was a fuck up, and no one would make him a QB. Why is Mike different? He's a shitty QB, but he's a great athlete. I hope he goes away for a long time, but when he gets out, if he gets another chance- I'd bet it would be as a wide receiver/ athlete type.